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Whoops.

I think Ben is mad at me, but if he is, I think I can live with it. There's nothing dramalicious going on or anything, but it is a little hard to swallow right now considering all that's going on-- again, nothing dramalicious, just business as usual with Dad's health and everything.

So, back on topic.

I like Ben, a lot. To be perfectly honest he isn't the body type I usually go for, but I still think he's insanely cute. He's funny, too. When we're driving somewhere, we kind of just bounce off each other; we just have the same kind of energy, I guess. Cute, funny, he tokes up, and he (so far) respects my outlook on life. Speaking of which, therein lies el problemo:

While it takes me a while to get comfortable with someone enough to sleep with them, I'm going on a bout of celibacy. Not too long, just long enough to focus on other things, like finding happiness in someone before knowing them intimately.

I don't know if you know this or not, but guys don't work that way.

Like most 22-year-olds, Ben is like a cat in heat. I totally understand that, it's just biology, but I'm trying to be a better Catholic and a better person in general. He needs to have patience with me but, at the same time, I think he's used to girls who don't wait as long. Again, we're totally comfortable with each other, he's attractive, and has a great personality. I'm not going to put out just to get on better with him, but at the same time, I don't want to be frigid.

He isn't pushing me or anything like that, but at the end of our first date (which was just stupidly awesome), he kinda blocked the way out of his room. Totally non-threateningly, mind you. All he wanted was a kiss goodnight. For some reason though, either the pot or lack of xanax in me, I kinda panicked a little and bit him. Let me reiterate that, in case you didn't get it: I bit him. Hard. Didn't even say sorry!

I can't explain it, other than to say that I was on a first date, it was so late that it was early, I was tired and mildly stoned, and this big guy I practically just met was blocking my way out. Jokingly or not, I freaked out a little and bit him on the chest (face level for me) so that I could get into the living room. It wasn't even a matter of kissing on the first date: It was just this weird, sudden feeling of bigness on his part, and smallness on mine.

Ehunno. This is causing a bit of angst on this corner, since I do like him and he's a good guy.

More to come later, I guess. Hopefully I'm seeing him on Wednesday before a job interview. I'll make a Ben category to make up for not playing nice and fucking biting him.

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